greathaircut:

love how kids introduce themselves like “hello im johnny im five years old i know how to read” yeah cool i didnt ask for your life story asshole

bellsket:

"This is why you can’t trust women! They’re so good at makeup and wear it to fool guys into thinking they’re hot!"

shit. girls he’s on to us *washes off makeup to reveal lizard face and climbs up a wall* we will return with a new disguise. soon the power of earthly men will fall

meladoodle:

nothing pisses me off more than the fact that 90% of women’s jeans have non-functioning pockets but baby clothes have proper pockets? what are babies carrying around that i’m not? baby wallets? fuck off

spicy-vagina-tacos:

hey guys its fall u know what that means

only gotta shave when ur gonna get laid

f-eather-s:

milajewnis:

but actually plaid button up shirts with the sleeves rolled to the elbows are universally attractive 

JUST THIS AND HENLEYS AND WHITE TEES AND BLACK LONG SLEEVES BUT ESPECIALLY BLACK LONG SLEEVES

modestmgmtofficial:

everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:

  • 5 gallons of homework
  • mouthful of lint
  • 20 degrees of facial oil
  • 7 pints of china
  • handful of fergi
  • 60 mph of dad

the-grand-high-blood:

petrichor-and-holy-water:

zooophagous:

holy shit cows are huge

And apparently very cuddly

I can verify cows are both and they lick like giant slobbery cats. 

fluffyfit:

surimistick:

i was making a lot of mistakes and then my archery instructor said:

“you make mistakes because you’re focusing on the target and not on your actions”

and i was like woah

thanks for giving me the best life advice i’ve ever gotten

guys just think about how applicable this is to EVERYFUCKINGTHING

lemondifficult:

"Haha! Americans don’t have free healthcare!"

Yeah it’s actually a serious problem people are literally dying can this stop being a silly nationalistic insult?

cheaterbaby:

i dont need you back and i dont want you back

starmies:

This is modern art

starmies:

This is modern art

k1mkardashian:

ariana grande reminds me of the annoying girl at school with mediocre vocals that always gets asked to sing the national anthem or something for school events 

neatpotatoes:

lol ok

meghanbluebird:

discovergeneralmills:

Walk in.
See this.
Wat do?

Depends, do you own a dog?

meghanbluebird:

discovergeneralmills:

Walk in.

See this.

Wat do?

Depends, do you own a dog?